First, what is intuition and why does it matter?
My take on it: it is the ability to listen deeply to yourself or others and trust the “knowing” you have in the moment. Before our son was born, I spent years listening to him.
Our son was “in process” for 5 years. Meaning my life pretty much revolved around bringing him into the world for 5 years via pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy (this one was the method we all chose in the end). I connected with his spirit early in our “trying”.
I would ask many questions of him over the years and luckily we developed a very strong intuitive communication. Often I didn’t like what I heard, but I had the knowing it was right. I would ask what else I needed to do, be, have, let go, learn, etc- for him to land in our family. Often his response was that I needed to keep developing confidence in myself and thereby trusting myself, so I could trust him in a greater way once he arrived.
He taught me so much in those years. I am far more relaxed as a mom than I thought possible. I know intuitive communication is vitally important to every good relationship, especially with your kids.
Dr. Albert Mehrabian studied communication and found only 7% of messages are conveyed through words. What then are we communicating to our kids? I see lots of parents saying super nice stuff and trying so hard to smile through the anger and frustration bubbling up in the non-verbal.
Just be honest. It ruins intuitive communication when we aren’t authentic because kids get confused with what’s said and what they notice on a deeper level. It doesn’t mean screaming when we are angry, but it’s ok to sound angry and speak to it, “I am angry that you just hit me.”
The intuitive communication is about then taking a moment to tune in and get a sense why your child is hitting you. Why is he angry or pushing limits? If it happens a lot, then don’t just tune in. You need to adjust your parenting to get a the root.
4 reasons why is intuition important in parenting.
1. Since 90%+ of communication with your kids is non-verbal, the subtle levels on which we communicate are the bulk of our parenting. Especially in the early years of parenting, it’s hard to know what the cry or whine or fit is about. Take a moment, with practice really just a moment is all that’s needed- don’t make it a chore, to connect with yourself, then your child and listen. It’s ok if a lot of the time it’s not clear why he is crying or whining.
It’s not about always knowing! It’s about taking that moment to tune in. It’s about the space that is created. It gets us out of reflex and out of bad habits like stuffing food or a drink into our child at the first sign of fussiness. They might be fussy, we might not know why, that’s ok. Sometimes we will know. The patience of taking that time to listen is giving respect to your child. The French call it “Le Pause.” It’s critical in their approach to raising children with respect.
2. When you trust your intuition, you are trusting yourself and the answers you know to be true. Not other people’s ideas, worries, judgements.
3. The more a mother trusts her intuition, the more relaxed she is as a parent. When we come from a place of relaxed knowing, our kids can feel it! They relax and trust themselves in a deeper way as well. This is one of the biggest gifts you can give your child.
4.You are setting yourself as a leader in your family when you trust and act upon your intuition. As women, we need to bravely step up into our confidence. This is how we raise self-confident children.
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