Why is my child hitting his friends? And what will help him stop?!
Does he do this more before lunch or before a nap? Maybe he’s too hungry or tired- these are honestly very common times for kids to act out, so maybe he needs food or sleep sooner.
If it’s at random times, then it’s likely general frustration. Boys are easily triggered to get physical when they are frustrated. It doesn’t mean he will be aggressive long term, especially since you already have a great strategy of telling him hands aren’t for hitting and giving a consequence.
My suggestion is to reflect to him how it affected the other child. If it’s mostly at preschool, then this will be tricky, but if you see it happening then you can do this. When he hits another child, do the usual “hands aren’t for hitting”, then before taking him away, reflect the effect he had in a non punitive way- meaning don’t add a tone of punishment.
An example of the reflection- said with empathy: “You wanted the toy and hit Tommy, after you hit him he started crying. It made him sad. So, we are going to the bench on the playground to help you calm down.” This reflection is so helpful in getting him to see the effects of his actions. Being taken away from the fun will be all the consequence he needs generally.
The reflection of the events are just factual. You are trying to be helpful in getting him to understand the effects, so a helpful and empathetic tone is good, no need for the punitive tone as it sets up further feelings of aggression in him.
Don’t make a big deal of any of it. Keep it factual and straightforward. Sometimes kids will do things to get a rise out of parents/teachers, so if you keep your cool, that’s best.
Thanks for reaching out and being proactive for your son. Best wishes on your journey.
Lisa
